17 April, 2007

If your kids have wheels in the shoes, you are wrong

Heelies have to be the worst invention of the past few years, in terms of a useful/annoying ratio breakdown. If you don't know those are the shoes with the wheels in the heels that kids are rocking these days.

If I were 10, I would probably want a pair of these. I'm sure that the kids who are rocking these are the cool kids in school, and seriously what better feeling is there than being the hippest fifth grader on the playground?

However I'm not 10, I'm 22 and therefore find these shoes not only ridiculous looking, but utterly intolerable when I'm in public. As some sort of hybrid between tennis shoe and roller skate, they fly under the radar as far as regulations prohibiting their wear go. One wouldn't wear roller skates in a department store, nor should parents allow their children to do so; why then are they allowed to wear these 'shoes' that serve the exact same purpose only in a less efficient manner?

Perhaps I'm off base, but I think it sends a bad message about what should and should not be done in public places. When kids are gliding through the airport or the mall on these things, it's fairly inconsiderate, what with the zipping in front of people and generally forcing everyone else to watch out for their speedy shoes.

The annoying lady with the cell phone and the yelling was in again yesterday for the majority of the afternoon. This time something 'needed to be filed by 5' somewhere on South St. and she was rushing to finish whatever 'it' was.

She comes in plops down and doesn't even bother to buy anything. I was about to say something to her because she was using the free wireless, but as I was about to walk over she began to scream; I don't mean scream like yell a little bit, I mean shrieking a-la a Scottish banshee.

"I don't even know where this is! There's no freaking address" she yelled as she tossed papers on the floor.

"This is unbelievable. Shitshitshit."

I made eye contact with the girl sitting behind this woman, and she kind of shrugged and laughed at the same time. Then the woman started banging on her keyboard. Actually banging, not like tapping. I'm not sure if it was a primitive form of typing but it didn't appear too productive. Then moments later she said the following to nobody in particular:

"This is bullshit. How can my delete key not work? This is a brand new machine. This is unbelievable. Shit. Unbelievable."

She continued on something of a cycle in this manner for about two hours, and just as Pat was coming in to pick up the evening shift she was heading out.

"Sorry, I forgot to buy a coffee. I've just been a bit busy" she confessed to me.

I literally had no words with which to properly reply, so I just said nothing and hoped she'd just go away. She probably came back toward me three separate times after saying goodbye to 'mention something else' or 'tell me something about those unbelievable so and so's.'

Next time she comes in I'm going down to the basement and staying there.

If you've never checked out the fantastic sex ads in the back of the Citypaper, it's probably a good idea to do that. Now. Seriously. They're part of history, it's okay.

My favorite this past week was an ad for T.S. Naomi. It's on the bottom left on pg. 110.

The picture is a pig-tailed girl with her breasts out and nipples starred, holding a teddy bear over her crotch. There is a star saying "I'm back!" and apparently she is available 24/7 in all Northeast locations. The best is the test of the ad, however. In simple lettering, the ad states:

"Jumps like rabbits from hole to hole!!! How deep R U?"

What the hell does that even mean? Baffling and yet, I want to call and find out.

In this blog I will not talk about why Don Imus should not have been fired. I will say that this video does wonders for breaking down stereotypes. I will also not say anything about Kurt Vonnegut. There's just so much there already.


Blogger Paul Tsikitas said...

HA! Jack bauer killing John Wilkes Booth! If only! Oh and your word verification just now says "zcock". I giggled.

6:43 PM, April 18, 2007  
Blogger Meg said...

i too hate those shoes...with a passion. when i worked in hallmark this summer, little kids would wear them around the store and if they lost their balance, they would grab on to the nearest glass shelf covered in expensive knick-knacks. most stressful summer ever. fuck heelies.

1:02 AM, April 19, 2007  

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