07 March, 2008

Jane Goodall on location

The other day at the gym, I had the pleasure of toiling on the eliptical next to one of nature's unfortunates: the emo gorilla. Granted, it's not out of the ordinary to see new faces at the gym every now and again, especially after the new year begins. It tends to bring out the resolution fatties who toil for a week or two before sliding back down the slippery slope of powdered sugar mini-donuts. However, it's not often an emo gorilla graces a family Gym in Cumberland, RI as far as I've been able to tell. I had to investigate further.

She was a stereotypical gorilla, with the glasses and black hair artfully aligned to where I imagine her jaw line would be were it not obscured by plump. Of course there was also the monroe piercing, barely distinguishable from the last desperate strains of her teenage acne. She had pink stretch pants on, with the "juicy" gothic text across the posterior. Who doesn't love that? (Hint: me.)

The best part of her gym attire, outside of the iPod touch with the post punk cranked up to 9, was her shirt. Barely covering her most obvious asset, her black T displayed a fondness for what I imagine to be a Danzig cover band. Just below the skull on the back of the shirt was the following text:

"See your Hell."

"Yeah," I thought to myself as I stepped off of the eliptical. "Pretty much."

The moral of the story is that listening to post punk weakens your resolve to follow a diet of less than 3,000 calories a day.

That's all I got.